Moving on
Tonight i'm moving on..
Last night i talked to my friend, and i basically rehashed my entire relationship with my ex-boyfriend and everything that was wrong about it..so here's the list.
1. for most of the entire time we were together, he lied to me. not just small, insignificant lies, but huge, gargantuan lies, lies about his life, lies about how he felt..shit like that.
2. it was way too fast..i guess because we didn't see that much of each other, the physical stuff moved so much faster, as if we were making up for lost time, at a rate ten times faster.
3. he was so immature..23 and still a baby: can't look after himself, can't stand up for himself on his own two feet, and still counting on daddy to give him all he wants..be it an education in aviation school or a set of golf clubs..pathetic.
4. he had so many goddam issues like you wouldn't believe..angstsy doesn't even begin to describe him. he's so hung up on how life has been unfair to him, how badly he was treated by his parents, how unhappy his childhood was..that he completely ignores the fact that he is luckier and more blessed than most.
5. he's so fixated on himself, his own problems, his own misgivings, that he totally misses out on everyone else's pain, including mine. especially mine, come to think of it.. it got so bad that sometimes i had to pretend i was screwing up in school just so he would forget his own problems for once and focus on me..i mean, how fucked up is that? i never even had any real problems in school, i was a good student with a 3.75 gpa..hell, i'm a spectacular student compared to him!
6. one of his huge lies was about school. the entire time we were together he made me believe that school was okay, that nothing was wrong..when the opposite was the real case. before i found out the truth i would get so confused about how his stories never seemed to make sense, how they didn't seem to fit..and then came the day that his dad(!), no less, told me that he had been faking his grades and spending money that was not his to spend and not been going to school, period. you can only imagine how i felt when i found that out. i felt so betrayed, so..utterly devastated by the extent of his lies that i couldn't breathe for several moments. and then when i got to register all that..it all just..fell into place:
-how, when we went to his school one day to ostensibly attend class, so that i could "sit in," and then for some weird reason, they didn't have class, or so he said, and we ended up sitting in front of one of those huge windows on the third floor and just talked.
-how my plan of surprising him at school didn't work out because at the time he was supposed to go to class his best friend told me he (my beaux) was at his house and that he (my beaux) told him he was done with class, and that didn't make sense, so i arranged for us to meet in the mall, instead. no wonder he got so flustered and agitated at my surprise and at the thought that i had originally planned on going to his school..because i might have discovered he wasn't exactly going to school..
-how he wouldn't let me accompany him during enrolment. i felt bad cause i thought he didn't want his friends to see him with me, but he reassured me that it was not that, but that he just didn't want me to, and couldn't explain it, but he had his reasons..yada yada yada. no wonder he didn't want me there, huh?
can you believe i let myself get twirled around someone's finger like that?! i'm not an airhead, in fact, i like to think of myself as actually pretty bright..but for someone so intelligent, i could be so stupid sometimes, huh?
7. he has a small..thing..oh come one, you know what i mean. sure, he's good in bed, but i've never actually had an orgasm by straightforward sex..it either had to be his fingers, or his tongue..pathetic, i know. i told you..i need a man.
there are so many other things i could whine about here, but i think i should just save those for another day.
the point of this whole tirade is..i needed an outlet..a written outlet that'll allow me to read through the many many reasons for not missing him and feeling bad about not being with him anymore..
tonight i'm moving on, and he can beg on his knees like a puppy starving to death, and i won't give even an inch..not that he will beg, but you know..
my motto right now is: veni vidi vici.
Last night i talked to my friend, and i basically rehashed my entire relationship with my ex-boyfriend and everything that was wrong about it..so here's the list.
1. for most of the entire time we were together, he lied to me. not just small, insignificant lies, but huge, gargantuan lies, lies about his life, lies about how he felt..shit like that.
2. it was way too fast..i guess because we didn't see that much of each other, the physical stuff moved so much faster, as if we were making up for lost time, at a rate ten times faster.
3. he was so immature..23 and still a baby: can't look after himself, can't stand up for himself on his own two feet, and still counting on daddy to give him all he wants..be it an education in aviation school or a set of golf clubs..pathetic.
4. he had so many goddam issues like you wouldn't believe..angstsy doesn't even begin to describe him. he's so hung up on how life has been unfair to him, how badly he was treated by his parents, how unhappy his childhood was..that he completely ignores the fact that he is luckier and more blessed than most.
5. he's so fixated on himself, his own problems, his own misgivings, that he totally misses out on everyone else's pain, including mine. especially mine, come to think of it.. it got so bad that sometimes i had to pretend i was screwing up in school just so he would forget his own problems for once and focus on me..i mean, how fucked up is that? i never even had any real problems in school, i was a good student with a 3.75 gpa..hell, i'm a spectacular student compared to him!
6. one of his huge lies was about school. the entire time we were together he made me believe that school was okay, that nothing was wrong..when the opposite was the real case. before i found out the truth i would get so confused about how his stories never seemed to make sense, how they didn't seem to fit..and then came the day that his dad(!), no less, told me that he had been faking his grades and spending money that was not his to spend and not been going to school, period. you can only imagine how i felt when i found that out. i felt so betrayed, so..utterly devastated by the extent of his lies that i couldn't breathe for several moments. and then when i got to register all that..it all just..fell into place:
-how, when we went to his school one day to ostensibly attend class, so that i could "sit in," and then for some weird reason, they didn't have class, or so he said, and we ended up sitting in front of one of those huge windows on the third floor and just talked.
-how my plan of surprising him at school didn't work out because at the time he was supposed to go to class his best friend told me he (my beaux) was at his house and that he (my beaux) told him he was done with class, and that didn't make sense, so i arranged for us to meet in the mall, instead. no wonder he got so flustered and agitated at my surprise and at the thought that i had originally planned on going to his school..because i might have discovered he wasn't exactly going to school..
-how he wouldn't let me accompany him during enrolment. i felt bad cause i thought he didn't want his friends to see him with me, but he reassured me that it was not that, but that he just didn't want me to, and couldn't explain it, but he had his reasons..yada yada yada. no wonder he didn't want me there, huh?
can you believe i let myself get twirled around someone's finger like that?! i'm not an airhead, in fact, i like to think of myself as actually pretty bright..but for someone so intelligent, i could be so stupid sometimes, huh?
7. he has a small..thing..oh come one, you know what i mean. sure, he's good in bed, but i've never actually had an orgasm by straightforward sex..it either had to be his fingers, or his tongue..pathetic, i know. i told you..i need a man.
there are so many other things i could whine about here, but i think i should just save those for another day.
the point of this whole tirade is..i needed an outlet..a written outlet that'll allow me to read through the many many reasons for not missing him and feeling bad about not being with him anymore..
tonight i'm moving on, and he can beg on his knees like a puppy starving to death, and i won't give even an inch..not that he will beg, but you know..
my motto right now is: veni vidi vici.
posted by priestess | 21:07
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