heartache..all over again.

it's hard enough to stay faithful when your boyfriend's 488 miles away and you don't get to see him for months and months..it's harder still when you're 488 miles apart and he doesn't even give a damn about your day.
i'm a fool to stay in this relationship..this unrewarding, pathetic excuse for a relationship. how can one even call it that when we hardly even talk, i hardly even get to hear from him, and he acts so nonchalant all the time? not just about the relationship, but even about me.
more than anything, i need to feel loved. and at this point, i just don't.
tonight i watched a movie with a friend. a boy friend. and all the while i couldn't help thinking about boo and wishing it was him i was with and not this other guy. and this other guy was so sweet and funny, i almost wished he had been the one i loved..but he's not, and the worst part is, the boy i do love doesn't even seem to love me back..anymore.
why do i even let myself be like this? why go through this pain when i can choose not to? but to choose not to would mean to choose not to be with him. is it even right to choose pain over normalcy just for a boy? it doesn't seem to be. but then again, everyone would all agree i'm not exactly the most rational, nor even the most normalm of people. at times, like now, i'm convinced i'm just plain sick. what kind of person would stay in this hellish situation but a sick, deluded person like me?
if only the sex wasn't so amazing..