heartbroken...almost

i now know that you can get your heart broken everyday and still survive. that the only way you're sure that you do have a heart is when you feel it breaking, bleeding, desperately trying to be loved, but unable to do anything but wait for it to happen. i was so in love, and i still am, anyone can see that if they would only look closely enough. why does life have to be so unfair? my relationship with boo is fucked up, somehow. God, how i love him..And i hope, i pray that he loves me just as much. im ashamed to admit it but sometimes i feel like he doesn't..not as much as i do. i feel like a burden, making him call me at night, asking him to come see me. when i talk to him, i don't ever wanna hang up, but he always does..why is that? i stay up hours after he hangs up, thinking about him sleeping, wondering if he's dreaming about me. what is wrong with my body? why won't it get tired like his does? why won't my eyes want to close when i miss him? i know it's wrong to think this, but i hate that he has to do so much for his church, his church with all the hypocrites in it. i have got to stop writing this crap. i just hope he never gets to read this, else i'm dead..