helplessness

i feel like i must be the loneliest person i know.. yet it's a loneliness in disguise, coz no one knows how i really feel..to them i seem fine, like i am how i've always been. in truth i don't even know what changed. if someone asks me now, about what's different in mylife, i don't think i can really answer them. all i know is that i feel less important, as if i'm now as cherished as an old copper ring, when i used to feel like a diamond, the kind men buy at tiffany's. i remember a time when i would wake up really happy coz i was dizzy in love, but now i juz drag myself out of bed and paste a fake smile on my face and pretend i'm anything but desperately sad. now i juz feel empty, and the words i speak are empty, and the words people speak to me are empty. they say man is the highest of all creatures because he can think, he can comprehend, he can invent. well i say he's the lowest, because only man can have everything he needs and still find himself utterly unhappy. a beaver, when he's made his dam and gathered enough food for himself, is a creature content. an eagle that has built her eyrie and soared in the skies is whole. they say love is the greatest feeling there is. well i say love has no feeling, except pain. love never makes you ecstatic, it's disillusionment that does. it never brings you happiness, you only delude yourself into thinking that it does. in truth, love is only a losing of yourself. if you want to stay the same, then never love. because in the end, after all the heartache, all the pain, all the lonely nights..you will surely be changed, so much so that you won't recognize yourself. but the irony is, you won't even want to go back to the way you were, you can only desire to keep on moving forward, like you're addicted to the pain..inthe end you can only keep on living, despite the pain, despite the heartache..you can only keep on loving that person you chose to..because that's the way it is.